words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
