Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
