She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
