so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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