why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
