the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
