Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
