We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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