Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
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