Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize