We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You've changed since you got that strap on
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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