Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
