I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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