we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
