i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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