Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Randomize
