im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
