Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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