'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
