The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
