My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
