nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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