the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
