I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
