I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
