did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
