i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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