i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
