Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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