It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
