You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
