Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
