Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
