Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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