her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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