Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
