i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
