We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
