I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
