guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
