its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
