I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
