think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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