we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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