so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
