It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
