Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
