So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
