I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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