I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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