we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
