I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
