p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
