Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
