Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
