i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
