yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If I die, sorry about rent.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
