he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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