I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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